Why I Don't Twitter

I feel lame enough for reactivating my Facebook account, and even worse, actually using it, but Twitter is something I will never do. Why? Because this is the kind of shit I would probably "tweet" about...


-Man, this is biggest York Peppermint Pattie I've ever had!

-Still having nightmares where Space Ghost molests me. Hate waking up feeling ashamed.

-wRiTiNg iN diFFeReNT siZe leTtErs tOTalLy RoCKs DUdes!!

-Webbed feet? Sure, you can't wear flip-flops, but I bet you could swim like fuckin' Aquaman

-12 total hours of driving, over 700 cumulative miles, and my EZ-Pass comes in the mail the day i get home. sweet.

-i dont wanna make light of a tragedy, but it prolly sucks balls if your bday is on 9/11

-Julie Foudy is SO much hotter these days

-that whole thing about asparagus is true... i'm not sure about the pineapple thing, but i'm definitely not testing it

-Why the fuck does Gargamel hate the Smurfs so much?


And yes, I realize most of these are way too long to even fit on Twitter, which is another reason I don't use the goddamn thing. I gotta lot to say, bitches.