CSI Hate David Caruso

I'll admit that this blog has slightly morphed into little more than me sprouting off some bullshit and then posting a youtube video I find humorous, and in effect I'm simply pawning off the funny to something or someone more capable than myself. I think it was working, until just now, when I admitted that I'm an unorginal scumbag. Nevertheless, I'm going to keep the trend going for this post.

I fucking hate David Caruso. He is just plain awful. It boggles the mind to think that this ginger bastard gets paid millions of dollars to do what he does on CSI: Miami. I've watched episodes of this show and it hurt. It literally hurt to watch this trite bullshit. I would rather have a burlap bag filled with severed feet and starving rats tied around my fucking head than watch this show. I understand that it's just another dumbshit TV show so maintaining reality isn't a priority, but there's some serious fucking problems.

For one, CSI stands from Crime Scene Investigation. Essentially, these people are forensic specialists who anaylze crime scene material blah blah blah. These people, however, ARE NOT the cops who bust down the doors of suspected mass murderers. They're scientists with guns. In one episode, some guy was testifying in a grand jury hearing so he was placed in protective custody. Naturally, two CSI officers were assigned to protect him. Nope, sorry. Pretty sure that's the U.S. Marshals' job. I'm not even going to get into the fact that the entire creation of the CSI television series has destroyed the judicial system because juries full of fat-fuck non-stop TV-watching shitbags insists on DNA evidence in EVERY case. Doesn't work that way, America. Goddamn, why can't things be like the Old West again? Now that was justice.

But the crowning venereal disease of CSI: Miami is David Caruso's acting, or lack thereof. I don't know if this guy has any actual thespian training whatsoever and I'm way too lazy to look it up. All I know is that in two weeks I could train a deaf mute from Azerbaijan to be a better actor than that bucket of dog vomit. If you haven't seen the below video, be warned: It may give you brain cancer.



Some of the terrible writing on the show should also be attributed to the misery above, but Caruso's delivery really tops it off. The worst part? You can tell he thinks he's doing an awesome job. Fuck David Caruso. Fuck him in his stupid ass.