Thursday, September 30, 2010

Jersey Lazy

I admit it, I suck. I never finished Guidos In The Mist last season and this year's Jersey Shore is already like seven episodes deep. I've been slacking hard. But that doesn't mean I haven't been watching Jersey Shore. It's still the most unbridled batch of ridiculousness ever. To let you know what I think of this season thus far, here is an email exchange between my sister and I...

I hate Sammi so fucking much. Just watched the latest episode. Here's my take...

>> You're right - Paulie is fucking awesome. Dude has gotten exponentially funnier each episode. The "cabs are here" dance and his Snookie impersonation = Win.

>> The Situation is still the man, although doing push-ups or any kind of "pump up" exercise before going out is ultimately ineffective.

>> I really hope Ronnie just keeps on cheating on Sam throughout the season. That cunt is unbearable.

>> J-WOWW better get a rematch. I think she would fucking annihilate Sam given another chance.

>> Snookie is... well, at least she's finally getting plowed this season. Poor bitch couldn't buy a lay last season.

>> Angelina is gross on so many levels. Voice, appearance, personality. I still maintain that she is the reason for that earthquake in Haiti.

The End.


P.S. HAHAHAHAHAHAH... Admittedly, I wrote most of the above before watching the entire episode. This gem was priceless: "Can we stop so Vinnie can buy a Fossil watch? Tryin to get in there, bro." Jesus... and then he finishes with the Staten Island dump line. More Paulie. Dude rules.

I hate her too, but a lot of my friends want her to kick Jwoww's ass because they think Jwoww is a bully. I think she can be, but only when she needs to be. I think JWoww is a good friend and she and Snooki got screwed with this whole letter thing. I hate it when someone gets cheated on and blames other people instead of their girlfriend or boyfriend who actually broke their trust, etc.

I would be fine if Sammi and Angelina never came back. Actually, I think Angelina is not coming back for season 3.

Oh god, did you really have to get all analytical with it, Jules? "I think JWoww is a good friend and she and Snooki got screwed with this whole letter thing." Before we delve into the psyche and emotions of these characters, let's keep one thing in mind: they're not human. It's a widely known fact that the guido is of an entirely different strand of species. One comprised of Axe body spray, hair gel, increased artificial melanin, sweat, and fruit-flavored vodka. To even suggest they share the emotions with actual people is an insult to our genome. Now, onto business...

I guess I can see where J-Woww can be a bully, but I like to think she's just insane. Your friends must be crazy, too, though. Even if someone disagrees with the actions of a "bully," how could they prefer Sammi's horseshit? Fuck, if it were up to me, I'd have Vlad The Impaler reincarnated to mangle that cunt. And Sammi getting mad about the letter rather than Ronnie's actions just proves my universal point: Women are fucking crazy.

The producers love Angelina because she is a drama machine. I doubt it would happen, but I'd love to see her get punched in the face this season. Preferably by Mike Tyson. Wearing diamond-studded brass knuckles.



Post a Comment

Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]

<< Home