Thursday, January 01, 2009

Forget It...

Okay, I just had this big post I was working on, berating New Year's Eve and all you fuckers out getting drunk while I sit here at work. I was going to rip on Seacrest, Fergie, and even Dick Clark for having a stroke and talking funny.

Then I was going to complain about the Jonas Brothers being the last musical act before 2009 and how that pretty much meant that the second the ball drops, the ground will open, the fiery pits of hell will come up to engulf us all in a blazing fury of anger, pestilence, famine, and death. Satan will wrap his serpeant's grip around our unsuspecting, pathetic souls and drain any semblance of innocence and good will we ever knew. Buildings will crumble, mountains will turn to ash, the oceans will become vast deserts of dry nothingness. The last image imprinted in anyone's mind will be Dick Clark on his knees, hands intertwined, pleading to the heavens that God save us all and end the destruction and suffering. Except Dick's stuttering pleas will be met by only silence, as he and everyone else realizes there is no God. There is no all-seeing, all-knowing celestial essence watching over the world. There is no higher being that can thwart the oncoming apocalypse that we have shamelessly brought upon ourselves. All hope is lost. Say your final prayers, your last will and testament, and hold your loved ones close because this may very well be the end for us all...

Then I saw Kellie Pickler talking to people in Times Square...

...and I believe in God again. Hallelujah. All is right in the world.

NOTE: This was really just an elaborate way to let people know how much I hate the Jonas Brothers and how much I love Kellie Pickler.

ADDITIONAL NOTE: Seriously, the Jonas Brothers are fucking terrible.

ADDITIONAL ADDITIONAL NOTE: I mean, seriously, how many of our nation's finest jacked it after this performance?

I'm sitting at work right now and I'm seriously considering it.


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