Peeve My Pet

I've come to realize the majority of things I write, be it fiction or humor, pretty much revolve around things I hate. You might even call them "pet peeves." While we're on the subject, I fucking hate the term "pet peeves." I hate it so much that I'm not even going to put forth the effort of using Google it to find out its etymology. Sidenote: I did, however, just use Google to make sure "etymology" was the right word to use.

Despite this obvious character flaw of mine, I figure if it's not broke, then Chunk hasn't gotten his hands on it yet. That's a Goonies reference. Try to keep up, people. We're running on all cylinders here.

So what is the current object of my loathing?
Presidential Inauguration Housing Specials.

I don't blame people for taking advantage of other people's stupidity. It's what makes this country great. But when I'm looking for apartments on craigslist and every single place is only available from January 19th through the 22nd, I find it ri-goddamn-diculous. What's worse is that people are using their vacation time (if they even have jobs) and paying absurd amounts to rent these places simply so they can "be a part of history." A face in the crowd is never a part of history. Unless you're Gavrilo Princip. Or maybe the guy who stabbed Monica Seles.

Look, I get it, Obama is black. He got elected. It's a monumental and historical event. But for fuck's sake, he's just gonna put his hand on a Bible and play The Repeater with John Roberts. I'm sure some smartass will start a "Yes, We Did!" chant, but that'll pretty much be the bulk of it. Now, is that all really worth $1000 a night? Sure, those bar stools look cool, but let's get serious.

Meanwhile, I'm stuck here with no apartment and forced to sharpen my Stay-Away Stick. FYI: The Stay-Away Stick is really just a large tree branch used to fend off over-the-top Obama supporters, hippies, and the Boxcar Children. The Stay-Away Stick is currently available at Walmart and Target, just in time for Christmas, the Presidential Inauguration, and the ensuing apocalypse!