The Weather Today...

"Now, what does meteorologist mean in English? It means liar. And what's the best job you can have in the world? It's being the weatherperson in San Diego. It doesn't get any better than that. You're on TV for less than a minute. You've got a 6-figure income. They're like, 'What's the weather going to be like, Lewis?' 'Nice... back to you!'" -Lewis Black

I've just about had it with these weathermen and women. Is there a bigger scam out there? I mean, other than that ShamWow! But seriously, how can they possibly get away with all of their deceit and guile with not so much as a speck of comeuppance? There's another group that operated the same way until a great American hero stepped up and systematically put an end to their skullduggery. They were Communists; he was Senator Joseph R. McCarthy. If only he were here today...

I'll bet there's a whole secret society comprised of these underhanded false-predicting prophets of falsehood. That's right - I used the word "false" twice in that sentence. There's probably an underground lair with candles, robes, chants, and a giant Doppler machine named "The Opposite of George Washington." I can see them plotting our end as I type this...

This guy probably loves warm fronts.

We cannot fall victim to this meteorological treachery. Our way of life is being threatened by these Rossby Wabes! They predict a hurricane, we get a tornado. They predict a snowstorm, we get a fogbow. Who among us is already working alongside these corrupt Commie cockbags? How well do we really know our friends? How well do we know each other? How deep in the fabric of our flag runs this conspiracy? It's too early to tell. Be diligent, my fellow Americans. Cross your fingers and hope for sunny skies...

If we're not careful, we could end up in black and white, too.