Important Poop

So my brown friend emailed me again. Let me tell you a couple things about him:

1) He's brown
2) He's an IT consultant (big surprise)
3) He doesn't drink
4) He drives an Audi and has a hot girlfriend (show-off)

Apparently, his girlfriend found his email about an Asian shitting mustard gas a bit vulgar. So, naturally, he decided to send me a PG-rated version...

"so i have a daily ritual of a taking a morning poop. Around 9/9:30 my body just senses the need to relieve its solid waste, but that means that i'm usually at work...that is those mornings that i decided to be a good employee and show up to work and not play hookie and head to mi casa to sit on the couch and watch movies. SO anyway...in the morning, the mens room on this floor is still quite decent...usually still clean, well stocked, and smelling fresh. But this week, someone else has been invading my territory. A new guy starting working who also uses this restroom for his morning business...and let me tell ya...his business is the dirty, underhanded, two-bit, up to no good kind of business. This guy was a mystery until today...its some awkward lanky asian guy thats pooping up the the Apocalypse. I dont like it...i might need to venture to the restroom on the fifth floor to regain my peace."

"after writing that i felt castrated. i might need to start drinking."