He Never Lies

So I've become a big fan of the song "The Instrumental" by Lupe Fiasco. It's got a kickass beat and the dude can definitely flow better than the average bullshit you hear on the radio these days (I'm looking at you, Kanye, you Best-Dressed nut-cupper). Unfortunately, since my work computer is about as cool this, I have to find random versions of the song on youtube or Google video. As I said, I'm a big fan of this song. That is, until I saw this...



It appears to be some innocent video project a few European kids did. But as I'm sure you can imagine, several things irked me about the whole thing. Allow me elaborate - in list form!

1) Why the fuck is McLovin playing the rapper? Of all of the nerds featured in this afterbirth of a video, why him? Why not the mutton-chop scientist? It doesn't even look like Fogel here knows the lyrics, let alone can even speak to a girl without awkwardly saying he'd like her to be a hood ornament for his dick.

2) What's with the gay kid's reflective walk across town (yes, he's clearly gay)? I'm still trying to uncover the message they're trying to convey. It's like the moral of the video is to wear faggy sweaters and constantly stare off into the distance, contemplating your own flamehood. We would have also accepted "flame-itude."

3) Seriously, were they really trying to "change the world" with this video? Were those messages on the cardboard signs supposed to make me think twice about authority, conformity, and other words with that suffix? It wasn't working for me. Typically, people holding cardboard signs are these people. They don't make much of a difference until you're caught burying one in your backyard, which can totally ruin your neighbor's nephew's Bar Mitzvah. In my defense, they're the ones who asked that I don't put up a fence. I can't be held accountable for what they see afterwards.

So anyways, I was terrified that I may never be able to enjoy this song again. I was terribly vexed. And then I found this video...

Cristiano Ronaldo
by jackess31

Sweet Christ, he's good. I don't know how I know, but I guarantee this guy can pleasure a woman better than me.