Links On The Left, Part 4

First of all, have any of you noticed that all of the links happen to be on the right side of the page? Sure, I'm a colossal fucking moron for that, but I assumed that among the three of you reading out there, you could've figured that one out. I can't hold your hands through everything...

Anyways, today I am talking about CrossFit.com. CrossFit is a General Physical Preparedness (GPP) program that has essentially changed my life. With any luck, I'll drop this shithole government job and open my own gym someday. Just like White Goodman.

CrossFit's basic principles revolve around Constantly Varied Functional Movements Executed at High Intensity. Basically, it's harder than whatever you're currently doing. CrossFit's definition of fitness is increased work capacity across broad time and modal domains. The ability to move large loads quickly in a variety of ways is fitness, so to speak. Sure, Lance Armstrong can ride a bike for days, but I wouldn't ask the guy to shovel my driveway during a nor'easter. Dude's a fuckin' stringbean. Meanwhile, the douche-bag meathead at your local gym may be able to bench press 500 pounds, but I'll bet he can't do more than 10 pull-ups. Better yet, I guarantee he can't run a sub-8 minute mile.

The idea of CrossFit is to be good at everything. Fitness-related only, unfortunately. If only it made people better at nailing countless numbers of women...

Just the other day, I did a 30 minute workout in which I ended up doing 120 pull-ups, 120 ring dips, and 345 sit-ups. Shit was brutal. Even worse were the two raspberries I got on the top of my ass cheeks. My shit was rubbed raw. It looks like attempted entry wounds.

I felt a lot like this...