Friday, May 29, 2009

Shameless Plug

I've been terribly busy with (insert lie here) so I haven't been able to post anything for a little while. And I'm quite busy with (more lies) at work right now, so I'm just going to mention something real quick. Rather than bore you with tales of women who want to bang me, women so pale they make Casper the Friendly Ghost* look like Kunta Kinte, I thought I'd support a local business...

Whitney Maymon is one our clients at Primal Fitness and a licensed massage therapist. I was sore from (insert lie that does not involve gay sex) so I scheduled an appointment. Since I had to come into my shithole job, it was only a forty minute session, but let me tell you, shit was unreal. I had never received a professional massage before, aside from a foot massage in Thailand (that's not a euphemism, I really got a foot massage in Thailand once). Yes, massage sessions are expensive, but definitely worth it. Afterwards, I didn't even mind coming into work because I was so refreshed and relaxed. And that's pretty legit because I hate my fucking job.

So if you're considering a massage, hit up Whitney's practice. She's skilled, professional, and has a boyfriend who isn't me (typical). Click the above picture to see her website and learn more. I said do it, motherfucker!

*Why the fuck does Casper have legs in that picture? Since when do flying ghosts have feet?

Friday, May 15, 2009

Since The Ancient Times

It has been prophesized countless times over vast eons that one day a great truth would be revealed to us. That after all these years of searching, looking, praying, thinking, guessing, wishing, hoping... something would be uncovered. Something so amazing, so awe-inspiring that the world and its infinite possibility and splendor all becomes lucid and more glorious and beautiful. The sun will shine brighter than it ever has, the soulful cooing of a million doves will warm the hearts of billions, the ocean waves will crash to the collective beat of our connected hearts, and in unison this planet will finally become a place of peace, understanding, and love. This great truth will realign the stars, eradicate suffering, and bring about a new dawn of acumen.

What is this great truth I speak of?

Fuck if I know. All I know is that these two chicks totally want to bang me...

Thursday, May 07, 2009

SteveChat - Episode 11

Steve takes online checkers pretty seriously...

Prncss4life03: Y won’t u except a draw?
Prncss4life03: everyone always excepts a draw
sjd03001: draws are for quitters
sjd03001: its your turn, go
Prncss4life03: its not for quitters
sjd03001: take your turn and maybe i’ll offer a draw
[she moves with her last guy and gets jumped]
sjd03001: DOMINATION
Prncss4life03: what?
Prncss4life03: there is no domination
sjd03001: oh yes there is
sjd03001: you know what that was?
sjd03001: DOMINATION
Prncss4life03: no
sjd03001: god your awful
Prncss4life03: what?
Prncss4life03: u r awful
sjd03001: if we were playing in real life i would have tipped the table over when i won
Prncss4life03: why?
sjd03001: cuz it was DOMINATION

Sleepo285: In this game, I ended with 6 pieces, 2 kings, that's fucking awesome. We did not exchange any conversation until the following

sjd03001: DOMINATION
Carlson60: !
sjd03001: your game is flawed
sjd03001: you got worked
Carlson60: you got lucky
sjd03001: you got DOMINATED
Carlson60: drunk on ego are we?
sjd03001: drunk on DOMINATION

TyQuiF: amazing how u twist their pathetic words into searing insults
Sleepo285: isn't it awesome
Sleepo285: it's like verbal ju-jitsu
TyQuiF: haha
Sleepo285: speaking of verbal ju-jitsu, i came up with that phrase over the summer when me and my brother were looking for rocket engines at dick's
Sleepo285: did i ever tell you that story?
TyQuiF: no u did not
Sleepo285: well my brother found this model rocket that he had from when he was like 12... he decides we should buy some engines for it and fire it off... we go dick's and my brother asks some guy around his age if they carry model rocket engines... the guy's like "wow... model rockets... that brings me back........ wouldn't you say they kinda went out of style?"
Sleepo285: so my brother had two options: 1) he could agree with the kid and basically admit that he's a loser, or 2) he could say "NO THEY DIDN'T GO OUT OF STYLE" and look like an even bigger loser
Sleepo285: so you see, it was a verbal trap...


Saturday, May 02, 2009

This Guy Is Single?!? Part 2